Don’t you know you were a mouth without a heart? An action without a meaning? You meant everything, yet nothing. I loved you so deeply, so intensely, I often felt my heart would explode with the exertion. The exertion that was a complete waste of my emotion. You left me feeling empty and alone. So hollow, that if you dropped me I would shatter into a million pieces upon impact.
You made me smile, made me laugh, made me feel so alive. In one moment, you managed to steal my smile, stifle my laugh, and make me feel dead inside. I sold my soul for a few laughs and a good time. You made me know who I am, yet stole my identity.
I was once bright eyed and fancy free. My bright eyes have become lonely and lifeless. My self confidence diminished to damn near nothing.
You promised to never hurt me, to handle me with kid gloves. You promised to cherish my heart and nurture my soul. You crushed my heart with your bare hands and sold my soul for a pack of smokes and a beer.
I close my eyes and your face is etched into my mind. I hear a song and am torn between turning it off to preserve what semblance of self respect I have left and leaving it on to feel some semblance of being with you again. I smell a cigarette and am immediately brought back to those mornings on the porch with you smoking and us shooting the breeze about the meaning of life, and love, and making plans for the future.
The future. Boy you had me blinded. Blinded with visions of family, and domesticating you dancing in my head. I know I was a fool. A fool in love. In love with you.
You professed your undying love endlessly. Now I know that those words meant nothing. They were just words to you. Words that held no meaning. I still hear your voice and those empty promises you made. It hurts as much as it did then, if not more.
Don’t you know you’re nothing? Yet you’re still my everything.
* I began this blog after a writing mentor of mine suggested it as a way to get the juices flowing. I did not think I would enjoy blogging, and thought of it as more of a homework assignment. However, I have fallen in love with blogging. While I am blogging for me, I would still love to have a following, no matter how exclusive and small it may remain. I would love feedback on this post as it is my original work. I want to be a published and contribute to the literary world. Any feedback would greatly be appreciated. -K